Though I feel somewhat ashamed to admit it to you, my English teacher, English has never been my favorite class. My talents have always lied within the realm of math and science. I can’t spell very well at all, and my skills at grammar could be bested by a fifth grader. So, when I think back on my expectations for this course, they probably weren’t as high as they could have been. But being in AP Language changed my opinion to a great extent and now, looking back, I think I’ve figured out why. It was simply that finally, there was a class that was more than spelling, more than grammar, more than reading pointless novels, and more than writing ten page essays. For these things have always been things that I could do with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back. Wing it, get the A+++ and move on. Suddenly though, there was a challenge. It wasn’t just reading impossible books, it was annotating them. It wasn’t just writing ten page essays, it was perfecting every word. And so, I feel the challenge that was presented to me by the difficulty of this class spurred me to create goals and to pursue them. I went from being the student who ‘doesn’t give a you-know-what, lets get the A and move on’ to the student who says ‘hey, this isn’t too bad at all, might actually be fun, I wonder what this really means…’ And this change brought about the most learning I have ever had in an English class so far. I can’t even explain how proud I was of myself the first time I got an 8 on an essay. Or when I found an example of symbolism in The Scarlet Letter that no one else had mentioned yet. I know that I have A LOT farther to go and A LOT more to learn, but I feel almost as if I finally had my first English class. I grew as a writer, a reader, and a person. And far better than achieving my goals, I set them for my future. And I set them high. (361)
Singer’s Solution: Revision & Analysis May 4, 2009
It is a widely-known fact that there are people around the world who do not get enough food and medicine to live comfortably, and sometimes, to survive. This is a tragic feature of our world, and these people can obviously use as much money and help as they can get. While Singer’s solution would offer millions – maybe billions – of dollars to charity organizations that purchase food and medicine for underprivileged parts of the planet, prosperous people should not have to give up their luxuries: in most cases, these citizens have earned their money through hard work, and donations are already widely received from wealthy people.
In Africa, Asia, South America, and all other parts of the world, there are people who starve and die from horrendous diseases daily. It is awful to think that there are children out there who will not live to see tomorrow because they cannot afford even a slice of bread. On the other hand, many Americans consume numerous slices of bread daily. Singer’s solution to world poverty calls for his simple formula, which states: “whatever money you’re spending on luxuries, not necessities, should be given away.” But as sad as these poverty-stricken populations are, there should be no requirement for wealthy people to give up life’s luxuries to save these children and others. Though it is certainly an honorable thing to do, it should be a decision made, not an obligation.
Most of the time, people who have spare money for ‘luxuries’ – boats, plasma-screen TVs, large houses, nice cars – are those who have worked hard to obtain such things. In America, the land of opportunity, even the poorest citizens are given the chance to climb the ladder of success and achieve wealth. Admittedly, there are some born into prosperity, such as the children of the Walton’s, who own the world’s largest corporation – Walmart. These children will probably never have to work a day in their lives. But, they are the exception to the rule, and there is no reason to take away luxuries that come with wealth. If these luxuries were taken away, what incentive would there be to work hard in society? Work hard and become prosperous so that your extra money can be taken and given to poor folks in Nicaragua? Most people who are wealthy have achieved this status by hard work and taking away luxuries would violate the very value and virtues of American democracy.
Not to mention the fact that most prosperous people do donate to charity in the form of large contributions, and therefore forcing these people to donate would be overkill. J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series, wrote a children’s storybook to be sold with all net profits going to a charity called Children’s High Level Group. CHLG works at a political and practical level to ensure that UN minimum standards for the care of children are implemented across the whole of Europe and beyond. Others, such as Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey, donate in vast amounts as well. However, forcing people with extra money to donate, when most already do, would breed bad sentiment and hard feelings. People typically feel good when donating to charity, and being forced to do so would eliminate any such feelings. Singer’s solution would force people to give up money, although many already donate generously, abandoning luxuries and thus violating our democratic ideals. Charity should be a choice.
While Singer’s solution would help even more people around the world in need of aid, prosperous people should not be forced to give up money they would otherwise spend on luxuries: usually people have worked hard for their money and wealth, and donations are already widely given. Beyond the benefit or loss of individuals both wealth-ridden or poverty-stricken, forcing any group of people to give up things which they had rightfully earned violates democratic values.
Revision Analysis
My weakest point in this latest essay was my fourth paragraph, which lacked important ties to my central claim. To improve this, I added connective tissue in the form of sentences like, “However, forcing people with extra money to donate, when most already do, would breed bad sentiment and hard feelings.” These added statements tied together my main point. Also, I eliminated some repetition throughout my paper, making it more reader-friendly and I solidified my supporting details by adding concrete names. In my third paragraph, for example, I gave the actual name of the owners of Walmart, and in my fourth paragraph, I gave the name of J.K. Rowling’s charity. Overall, I was pleased with my performance on this essay and I feel my revisions effectively improved its overall quality.
Scientist Essay Revision and Analysis April 30, 2009
Katy Fitzgerald
Mrs. Robinson
AP English P4
29 April 2009
There is no doubt that bravery is required in many jobs, such as mining, fire fighting, and soldiering. But most people do not think of scientists being courageous as they pursue their research. In the passage from The Great Influenza, author John M. Barry uses ethos, classification, and exemplification to prove the courage and resolve needed by a good scientist in order to deal with uncertainties in research.
Barry uses ethos to establish credibility in his passage as he explains why scientists must be brave and determined. The most obvious example of this in the text is when he quotes Claude Bernard, a great French physiologist of the nineteenth century. Bernard stated, “Science teaches us to doubt.” By quoting a well-respected physiologist, Barry’s paper gains a level of credibility because he is supporting his ideas with more than just personal observations. Being himself an author of a well-known, well-researched book–The Great Influenza–Barry has clear-cut authority on his subject as he relates to the history of the 1918 influenza pandemic. By use of solid facts, supporting quotes from respected scientists, and his own personal research, John M. Barry uses ethos beautifully to establish authority and creditability in proving the bravery and perseverance scientists must encompass.
As well as ethos, Barry also uses classification in his writing as he supports his claim that scientists are courageous and persistent. He acknowledges and explains that there are two different types of courage: the courage to venture into the unknown, and the courage to accept uncertainty. According to Barry, the courage to accept uncertainty is the kind of courage required by scientists, and as he states, “uncertainty creates weakness.” Scientists must contain a courage classified as being able to accept and overcome uncertainty, a kind of courage that allows them to pursue their research despite the disappointments and downfalls. By using classification to thoroughly distinguish two types of courage, Barry explains the kind of valor scientists need and the amount of persistence, hereby increasing the understanding of his readers.
Similarly, Barry utilizes exemplifications (i.e. hypothetical situations) throughout his paper that aid in the support of his claim that scientists are courageous in their research. By providing several situations in which scientists might find themselves, Barry allows the reader to empathize with scientists and further understand and accept their claim to bravery and persistence. One of these hypothetical situations takes the form of several rhetorical questions, reading, “In the wilderness…analyze it?.” These questions delve into every aspect of analyzing a rock in the wilderness, and the extent and confusing nature of the questions help put the readers in a scientist’s shoes, showing them the dedication and bravery they must have to overcome a frustrating difficulty. Later, Barry uses another situation that ends, “A single step can take you off a cliff.” With this statement, the reader is forced to experience an event in which one wrong step could plummet him or her off a cliff. Theses examples allow Barry to greater prove his assertion that being a scientist requires intense courage and perseverance.
Though courageousness and persistence are required by many people all over the world, Barry explores a whole new idea in that scientists must possess these important traits in order to be successful in their pursuit of research. Using ethos, classification, and exemplification, John M. Barry establishes and supports his belief that scientists must be brave and persevering. In fact, he proves that scientists, without these essential characteristics, would be far less able to pursue research and therefore benefit our entire society with their priceless discoveries.
Revision Analysis
I found that overall, my essay was clear and concise, with a well-stated thesis and good connective tissue throughout. My major weakness was lack of support, as my paragraphs were short and scant. They lacked important details, quotes, and elaboration needed to successfully portray the rhetorical strategies of John M. Barry. I feel this was a time issue, as I restricted the time I spent writing this to approximately 40 minutes. Along with a lack of elaboration, I was also unable to tack a conclusion to the end of my essay, drawing the entire paper to a proper close. Next time I write an essay such as this, I will try to better manage my time so that I am able to clarify my points to a greater degree. In my revision, I added details and bulked up my paper, as well as including a conclusion paragraph. These changes will greatly improve this paper and hopefully I will learn from my mistakes in future timed writings.
Sythesis Revision & Revision Analysis April 21, 2009
Katy Fitzgerald
Mrs. Robinson
AP English P4
April 20, 2009
Revised Synthesis Essay
To this day, memoirs are a well-liked form of nonfiction. They preserve priceless stories, lifetimes, and events with accuracy, allowing readers to relive these unforgettable tales. It is easy to empathize and fun to believe in memoirs, and the fact that they actually occurred adds a deeper meaning. Think how much more breathtaking a movie is when the cover reads “based on a true story.” But memoirs must be careful that their contents really are the truth, else they endanger the integrity of the writer and the correctness of the reader’s knowledge. While it is perfectly acceptable for memoirs to leave out and/or compress information, the creation of entirely new data turns nonfiction into fiction and results in misleading ideas.
In the interest of time and readability, exclusion and compression of memoir information is completely understandable. After all, how many memoirs describe all of the times in a day the writer uses the restroom? Certain events in people’s lives are boring, unnecessary to the point of the story, or unfit to be read for some reason or another, and should, therefore, be left out entirely. Likewise, compression is no sin in the world of memoirs. Lee Gutkind, a writing program professor at the University of Pittsburgh, states that memoir events can be, “compressed in order to flesh out the narrative – allowing a writer to build a more compelling, fully executed three-dimensional story” (Source G). Basically, he is saying that shortening events doesn’t diminish accuracy but instead makes a memoir more enjoyable to read. However, when an author begins to add false embellishments to create more thrilling reads, he or she is going too far. While excluding and shortening details is appropriate in memoirs, the complete addition of new information is not.
In fact, this complete addition of new information transforms the form of the writing from nonfiction to fiction. A piece of writing that states only what actually occurred is entirely different from a writing that creates new details purely from imagination. While these new things may be amazingly fun to read, they are not the truth and violate the very essence of a memoir. Source D, a cartoon called “Foxtrot” created by Bill Amend, shows a character that is creating a make-believe memoir. While this fake memory would probably make a great story, it would lose the realistic sense of a memoir. A memoir in itself is a created version of the past, but an author’s ability to “invent the truth” should be limited to factual occurrences, else a nonfictional memory will soon become a fictional fairy tale.
As well as turning nonfiction to fiction, the addition of new events in writings based on memory leads to irrevocably false ideas that are sure to mislead and misinform readers. In a way, a memoir is like a museum. Just as new dinosaurs wouldn’t be invented to put in a museum, new ideas cannot be imagined and put into a factual writing. Memory based writers should be more concerned about accurately portraying past happenings, not making an enjoyable text. Regents’ Professor of English at the University of Minnesota, Patricia Hampl claimed that, “what is remembered becomes reality” (Source F). What Hampl is saying is that memoirs have major effect on the knowledge of their readers. Memory based writings, being a type of nonfiction writing, are a source that is often utilized in research, both personal and public. Honest ideas and events make memoirs an accountable source of information. When unrealistic things are added, what should be truth is no more than an unfactual story that will delude readers of all ages as well as discrediting the memoirist.
Whereas it is completely understandable to tweak the information that goes into a memoir, the agreement ends at to what extent. The addition and invention of new data and information allows for more enjoyable reading, but often it causes memoirs to lose their accuracy and reliability. However, the omission and contraction of information within memory-inspired works is perfectly acceptable. After carefully examining the argument, it has been found that the addition of new details makes memoirs no longer a portrayal of truth. Ultimately, what is at stake here is not the attractiveness of a fun-to-read story, but the honesty of writers and the accuracy of readers new knowledge.
Revision Analysis
Overall, I was pleased with my synthesis essay, and I feel that it was a major improvement over my last text. My most obvious weaknesses are certainly lack of planning and failure to recognize small grammatical flaws. The lack of planning led to redundancy in my third and fourth paragraph, which I corrected in my revision, and the small grammatical flaws, also corrected, reduced the professionalism of my paper. In revising my paper, I also improved the wording of my sources, lending the power of ethos to my writing. Originally, I simply stated “Source X said” or “in Source Y, Xxxx stated”. In my revised essay, I described the credits attributed to the authors within these sources. These changes and more greatly improved my synthesis essay and should help me score higher on essays to come.
Corn-Pone Questions April 7, 2009
1. In “Corn-Pone Opinions”, Mark Twain’s main idea is that our society is one of conformity. He states, “We are always obeying orders and accepting their verdicts.” We conform, says Twain, to gain the approval of others, and to be accepted and approved by a party or group. It is our nature as humans to bend to the whims around us, and it has been this way for ages. Mark Twain asserts and proves in this excerpt that public opinion is the underlying governing factor in everyone’s lives.
2. In using the personal pronoun I in the beginning of his writing, Twain sets the mood for a story. At first, we readers are merely watching the scene unfold before us, politely and mildly interested and certainly entertained. Then, when the pronoun usage switches to we and us, a transition takes place. We readers are now in on the action, involved, so to speak, in a greater story. The change draws attention to the point that Mark Twain is making.
March 27, 2009
Katy Fitzgerald
Mrs. Robinson
AP English P-4
March 26, 2009
Ragu® Ad Analysis
Simplicity at its finest is often better than the most complex of conventions. In this ad by Ragu®, simple syntax and colors are utilized in an attempt to convince parents that this new microwaveable product is easy and great for kids.
Ragu® is a well-known company that makes, among other products, pasta sauce. In the ad located in an Oprah magazine, 2008 edition, Ragu® is advertising a new product in which the sauce comes in an easy microwaveable pouch. As an added bonus, the FeedOursKidsWell.com association also supports this ad. The main audience of this ad would most likely be those concerned parents who are always looking for quick, easy, healthy meals to fix for their children.
With this in mind, the tactics of advertisement in this ad are found to be quite obvious, but effective. The sentence structure is not intricate at all, but instead the sentences are short and to the point. A few of the lines read: “Just clip it. Pop it. Pour it. Feed our kids well.” These sentences are straightforward and easy, just like the product being advertised. This plays on the pathos of the readers, in that they are emotionally convinced of the simple nature of this Ragu® Fresh and Simple Pouch. The producer of this ad used curt syntax to demonstrate how simple and effortless this new product is.
Along with using uncomplicated syntax, Ragu® also applies colors in a way that draws attention to the product. The large picture of the ad is of a child wearing a big box and the picture is very uncomplicated, with the child centered in the middle and the background blurred. The lack of color in the black and white photo also makes the Ragu® Fresh and Simple Pouch at the bottom of the page stand out so much more in its vibrant coloring. Such a utilization of coloring adds to the visual appeal of this ad.
There is, however, one logical fallacy in the ad. The picture is of a child with a box on him or her, and the line below reads, “Kids are famous for their fresh take on things. Now we are, too.” This can be described as non sequitur, because the picture has really nothing to do with having a ‘fresh take’ on things.
With straightforward syntax and coloring, Ragu® efficiently advertises its Fresh and Simple packets as a no mess, fast, quality meal for the children of concerned parents. By using such effective advertising techniques, Ragu® puts itself at an advantage in the pasta sauce market and will hopefully sell many Fresh and Simple packets. (445)
Personal Ambitions January 23, 2009
Upon entering this Advanced Placement Language and Composition course, I feel that my background in English contains a strong gramatical foundation and a unique, interesting, and fun writing style. Overall, I profusely love reading all types of literature and feel that I am well able to appreciate all types of books, from Shakesphere to Silverstein. The things that I would most like to improve upon throughout this year is a minor touchup on complex gramatical ideals, and a major adjustament on my ability to edit my own writings. Throughout last semester, I feel that my inability to sucessfully and professionally edit my essays was my greatest liability. I would also appreciate a great amount of exposure to college level assignments and texts. The activity that we performed today in class was very eye-opening, and the things I would learn from the completion more of those AP Language and Composition Test sample questions would be an excellent addition to my current knowledge. I would like to discuss all answers to any discussion questions, of whatever type, in class. Along with this, I fully understand the invaluable skills that I can learn from interpreting extremely high level writing. Also, I wish to analyze such exemplemary writings in groups, as I seem to learn more when I am in a group with my fellow classmates. In learning throughout the year, I know you are capable of splashing the roster with fun activities, and hope that you will continue throwing in seminars, group projects, and such, as these things brighten my days and make my learning experience far more enjoyable. (266)
Experimentation — Journal Entries January 5, 2009
1st Journal Entry
Anglo-Saxon vs. Latin Rooted
9-4-08
In this journal entry, the prompt was to look through the words with Latin roots in our VWS handbook and then write three sentences relying heavily on Latinate diction. Then, we were to rewrite those three sentences substituting Latinate diction for Anglo-Saxon diction. Lastly, a few sentences were to be written comparing and contrasting the sets of sentences. I think that this journal entry demonstrates a large amount of understanding and serves as an excellent example of fully following directions.
- My biology teacher gave a presentation on dermatology.
- The women’s dialogue portrayed her ethnicity well; anyone could tell that she was an aristocratic British citizen.
- Though the criminal had committed an illegal act, his extraordinary feat of robbing the bank attracted much attention.
- My science teacher gave a talk on skin care.
- The women’s talking showed where she came from easily; anyone could tell that she was an upper-class British person.
- Though the criminal had done a crime, his big feat of robbing the bank had gotten him much attention.
The first three sentences use Latin-rooted words and the second three sentences use Anglo-Saxon words. It is quite obvious that the sentences using Latinate diction sound far more intelligent and professional. On the other hand, the sentences using Anglo-Saxon words sound as if they had been spoken by a fifth grader.
2nd Journal Entry
The Candle that would “Light the World”
9-10-08
In this journal entry, the prompt was to respond to the question “Does America believe they hold the candle to light the world?” I feel that this journal entry uses good diction and imagery to express my feelings towards the question. Although the question is not directly answered in my entry, I love the candle metaphor and its interpretation, and I love that I mentioned how the candle would “spark a fire in enemies”. This entry demonstrates creative thinking.
America, at least at one point in time, has thought that it did indeed hold the candle that would light the world. Americans probably still believe that their freedom and happy democratic people will change countries and people around the world. For America today, I believe that candle is our liberty and democracy. And there is no question that a candle is a good metaphor. Just as peace and freedom are wont to spread, a candle gives out light that reaches out to make a whole room bright; a good candle had light that spreads to let many people bask in it. As for America holding the candle, I think that Americans are coming to realize that the candle may help us and make us a happy country, but not all people are like Americans. That same candle that lights our country will spark a fire in our enemies. Those who hate the idea of free people also hate America and are angered by our attempts to “light the world.” This idea so severely contradicts with the idea of America “lighting the world” that the entire meaning and existence of this catchy phrase are undermined and deemed questionable.
3rd Journal Entry
Anthemaria
10-6-08
In this journal entry, the prompt was to write a passage using our new writing tool, anthimeria. Anthimeria is when a writer uses a word that is one part of speech as if it were another. I believe that this entry shows how I correctly followed the prompt as well as crafted a fun and truthful passage that is a pure joy for the reader.
My room is a mess. I guess you could say I disastered it. There are clothes everywhere and I definitely can’t see my floor anymore. It’s actually hard to get through all of the piles of pants, sweatshirts, camera and ipod (somewhere), hangers, socks, books, papers, blankets, pillows, and other things when I get into bed. I’ve tried to tackle the cleaning project but I just don’t have the time anymore. With school, homework, work, chores, and two sick horses, I don’t have time for anything. So the clothes that are covering my bed and floor and desk and chair and dresser and, dare I say, fan, are there to stay for a while more. At least until I can find the time to pretty it.
4th Journal Entry
Pomegranate
10-21-08
In this journal entry, the prompt was to write a paragraph using different types of imagery to describe our experience of tasting a pomegranate seed. I especially liked that this prompt involved hands on interaction, which is a great change from the typical read and write type prompt. My entry is though-provoking and thorough in describing the taste and sensation of eating a pomegranate seed.
Sour. So sour that I pucker my face, scrunch my eyebrows, and cough. When I bite into it, I feel as if my mouth has been physically shocked as a sour explosion bursts upon my tongue. For a moment, my teeth are stunned and then they chew, with the seed remaining in my mouth. Then I crunch the seed, and though I didn’t think it possible, more sour escapes. I hurry to swallow the seed and allow my mouth to recover. Then I think a bit. Swallow again. The taste is lingering, yet gone too fast, and I wonder if anyone will notice me taking another seed. The clear, red seeds burst like small, sour grapes in my mouth. And though I pucker my face terribly, they aren’t that bad.
5th Journal Entry
Unavoidable
12-10-08
In this journal entry, the prompt stated write a poem that personifies an inanimate object. We were exercising our ability to use our newest writing tool: personification. In this poem, I personified homework, giving it unique human like qualities. I love this entry, as it is suspenseful, intelligent, and fun to read.
It watched me from across the room
And fixed me with a glare
And called me like a mother does
To naughty children there
I did my chores and other things
As my day dragged along
And secretly tried to outdo it
By avoiding it so long
But I knew it would outlast me
For the tension was too great
It bound me with its handcuffs
And my sleepless night was fate
So over I walked and down I sat
Despite my inner dread
Homework’s call can’t be ignored
Like the softer call of bed
Poetry Analytical Essay January 4, 2009
Katy Fitzgerald
Ms. Robinson
English III
December 18, 2008
The Importance of Good Decisions in Relation to “No Contest”
If you were given the choice between splendor and sensibility, which would you choose? What does this decision say about you as a person? In “No Contest”, Jessie Haas uses powerful imagery, irony, and inquisitive diction to illustrate that most people will choose beauty and power over practicality.
This poem takes the unique form of a story, one that is beautifully embroidered with imagery. In the story, there is a city that will be named for whichever god or goddess gave to the people the greatest gift. The great God, Zeus, acts as the judge of the contest. Athena ‘struck the ground with her spear, an olive tree sprouted from the rock.’ Then Poseidon ‘cleft the earth, and from the dark split leaped a pure white stallion.’ Descriptive words such as ‘dark’ split and ‘pure’ white really enhance the illustration in my mind and allow me to picture what is happening. This powerful imagery greatly improves the quality of the poem by provoking the reader’s imagination.
Irony also stimulates the reader’s contemplation in this poem. Towards the end of the poem, Zeus makes his decision. He chooses the olive tree because an olive tree ‘is always good’ and in his choosing, the words ‘swift and powerful’ are used to describe Zeus. Just before this, the words ‘beauty, speed, and power’ are used to describe the white stallion. An observant reader notices that, ironically, the description of Zeus and the horse are similar. This sheds wisdom on the fact that people value the things that are most unlike them, and Zeus chose what completed him not what mirrored him. A clever paradox, this shows how people value qualities more if they don’t have them, and adds to the essence of the poem.
Poetry containing inquiring diction is an art by itself and it really involves the reader in the text. In the last two lines of the poem, Haas asks the reader what they would do if put in Zeus’s position. This excellent example of questioning word choice engages the reader in the text, asking the reader to make his or her own choice based on the situation given. In asking the reader only one question, many more questions are initiated mentally, such as why did you make the decision? What does this choice say about your personality? How do you differ from Zeus? These questions really compel the go into depth in thinking about their personality and how important decisions the reader makes can describe and influence them in ways they could never imagine. This fascinating method of questioning diction adds color and depth to this poem.
What does the choice between grandeur and reasonableness say about a person? Haas uses potent imagery, irony, and inquiring diction to show that most people will choose prettiness and power over reason. “No Contest” contains an idea that we should all give serious thought—what can we learn about ourselves from the decisions we make?
Descriptive Essay January 4, 2009
Katy Fitzgerald
Ms. Robinson
English III
October 13, 2008
Lessons From a Turtle Teacher
My life is crazy busy with school, work, homework, and chores. These days, I hardly have any time to spend with my friends. So when I finally got a Friday off work, I really wanted to go to the movies with some people from school. We made up our plans and everything was all set when my boss called. He was going to be really short on Friday night; he wanted to know if I could come in. I watched in misery as my one chance to chill with my pals grew wings and flew out the window. But instead of getting awfully disappointed, I thought back to an experience that had taught me something very valuable earlier that week. I had been sitting on a small beach of orange sand, surrounded by my high school English class, when I made a little friend. A turtle, whose curiosity got the best of him, as mine often does me. And I won’t soon forget the important lesson that I learned that day.
The water was still, free of ripples. Everything around it was reflected in it as if it was only a giant mirror. But it was so much more, like another world, that was upside down to us humans, but right side up to those who lived in it. A light breeze from the nearby ocean had just wafted along, and I smelled the salty sea on its breath. Little bird feet surrounded the water’s edge and though I saw no birds, I could hear them calling. Their voices were in harmony with those of the crickets. A symphony of nature’s creatures greets the person who only takes the time to listen.
Out of the smooth nothingness of water poked a small, dark, object. I squinted, thankful that the hot sun was on my back and not in my eyes. It was a small turtle and he looked black against the sky that was reflected in his water. After barely a second above the water, the turtle submerged and I watched the little ripples as they became larger and larger and then faded away into the edges of the pond.
I have to admit that I wasn’t quite satisfied with this short glimpse of the little animal. So I waited, watching the water and slapping a mosquito that had bitten my neck. I had my eyes trained on the center of the pond, where I had last seen the turtle. I remember wondering if he had seen me. I waited for several minutes, I wanted to see him again, but finding the patience was a challenge. I had things to do, nature to record, and I didn’t have time to sit around and wait for a turtle that might not even come up again. Then, to my surprise, the little dark head popped up not fifteen feet from the edge of the pond where I was sitting. His head facing me, he seemed to be watching me, as I watched and wrote about him.
His head was slick, wet and small; I contemplated what the size of his body might be. Did he have flippers or clawed feet? What color was his shell? His black eyes were small, like him, and I though I hadn’t seen them well, but I felt their presence. Curiously, I lifted my hand and waved it slowly, testing his vision. Under went his head with not a second to spare. I smiled to myself and wrote some more, knowing now that he would return when he felt ready. All it would take on my part was just a little bit of patience.
He popped up a final time, farther away, and now focused on a different point. A thought crossed my mind, for I knew not how long turtles could hold their breath. What if I had not one turtle friend, but three? How would I know that it is the same turtle I had been seeing? But as he turned back to me and went under once more, I knew. My class began to leave at this point, we were going to another place to observe other landscapes with other creatures, so I bid the little turtle a final farewell. And as I walked away, I thought about my turtle friend and of how my patience had rewarded me.
I did go to work on Friday. My friends decided to wait for me and not go to see the movie until I could come too. I realized that opportunities are like doors, opening and closing at the speed of light. And if you miss the chance once, you may just get another one if you are patient. My boss let me go home two hours early on Saturday, and I went to see the movie that night. On the way to the theater, as I laughed and chatted with my buds, I thought back and smiled to myself at the life lesson that was taught to me by a curious little turtle.
The below links go to pictures of this paper as a rough draft. They give you a good idea of how my teacher’s constructive comments shaped my writing into an awesome descriptive essay.
